Warning: emo rant.

The ATAR estimate really hit me today.

My parents are expecting me to get into uni, be successful, etc, being the usual parents.. but I'm not so sure. Whether I'll be able to go to uni. It sounds exciting and all, but it also seems no more than a dream, trying to reach the sky.
Lots of "what if"s going through my head right now, alongside the "could've" and "should've"s. No point in dwelling in the past, but it's so hard not to.

yes, I'm qqing over a mere estimated number. :/

Sigh.
What will I ever do. xD

It's also hard to realise(and accept) the fact that there are other ways than universities.. like some people have dropped out of school, didn't go to uni, and are more successful out there than others who may have finished school and graduated uni.
However success doesn't come without effort.

For some odd reason, I worked so much harder back in year 11.. .___.

Ahh. Cutting my internet soon. Seems to be the only way.

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New idea.

No, not the magazine. -__-

This should've really been an "Old idea", but it seems like I'm just not that intuitive.

Often, during classes, random thoughts block out what's being taught.
and it's hard to snap back to reality.(..semi-unintended allusion..)

Because I know I don't take action unless I'm under pressure, I have to force one on.

In order to know/master what's being studied, I ask myself;

"Can I teach what I've just learnt, to someone else?"

If I answer "no", then it's time to pay more attention or ask questions to the teacher.
If I say "yes", then the information gets written down in the exercise book.

All this resulted from my poor trial marks.
It's worrying me of getting into the university/courses I desire, and of the future. I can already see that many of my friends have worked harder than myself, and are already experiencing the benefit of it. Indeed, it brings shame on myself, but no pity. There's no-one to blame other than myself for not giving it a hundred-and-ten-percent, thus I take responsibility, and obviously nobody else.

Pretty late, I know. HSC is around the corner.
I don't know what happened. School results were exceptionally good in my past years, but since the time I bombed out in a certain exam, my marks have been declining.
As I realised earlier, after coming to a conclusion that I've been studying wrongly, I cling onto this mere hope that my new approach is going to be successful. I'm prepared for the effort it will require.

Fingers crossed.

-sigh-.. UTS and USyd's open day was on the same day as my year 12 formal, last Saturday(which was.. enjoyable, I guess. Not really exciting.. ). So I had to quickly try and snap from one place to another.. unfortunately I was unable to attend UTS. Only half an hour or so was spent at USyd also.
There was a very interesting major at USyd, I think it was "Digital Culture" or something. Squeezed some info out of the representative guy, and it sounds perfect.
Now the only problem is; Can I achieve the ATAR required for either BArts or BIT?
.......Doubt it.
Doesn't hurt to try, though.

I'll try my best.


Argh. My future worries me. Oh well, will just do what I can do now, and have faith in what my year 10 coordinator once said; "If you take care of the little things, big things will follow"

..

Trials went horribly.

Strange. All the exams were completed with confidence, and with certainty that results would be satisfactory.. but apparently not.

Oh, and I must thank Wing, for helping me get an exceptional mark in one of the English papers(again)!
OUR EXPERIMENT WORKED! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH! *Evil genius laugh*

Anyway.. yeah.. I thought I did well in the exams(except 3unit maths).. but the marks obviously say otherwise. No blank answers, all were filled out with what I thought was correct.. And yes, I did my study.

So I've come to a conclusion that I'm stuyding the wrong things/I'm doing it wrong.
Also the most probable reason as to why I'm failing maths.

.... I wish this thought occured to me sooner.
I thought I was doing it right. >:/

*sigh*.. I'm failing school. My future isn't so bright.. ;_;


~


UAC Guide. the 2010 UAC guide was handed out to our year yesterday, and I wish they did it sooner. According to the staff, they "were waiting until now to give them out, because you are able to change your preferences as many times as you like."
YEAH WELL IN THAT CASE IT WOULDN'T HAVE HURT TO GIVE THEM OUT EARLIER.
THAT'S RIGHT, I'M CAPS LOCK ABUSING.

Looking over the courses and the uni I'd like to get into -- just wow.
Really, I must just be throwing the blame on someone else, but they really should've handed it out much earlier.
As well as uni info booklets, that were targetted to year 10's or 11's. HSC is around the corner for pete's sake! At least hand them out at the beginning of the year. D8
Yes, I could've went and gotten it myself, but that's another argument, so I'll stop there before a bigger wall of text.

I have no idea what courses to choose, let alone the certainty for an offer, or what I'll be ending up with, but hey, who can predict the future?


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Last, but definitely not least, my RO server has disappointed me. It's still an excellent, the best server though.

The client was recently updated(with lots of bugs, which the GMs and Admins are attending to atm), along with a new font.
A new font.
A new, ugly, minuscule font.

Personally, this is what annoys me the most.
The first impression I get from RO servers is what matters the most, again, personally. That included the font.
I absolutely hate the small, custom fonts. If you've looked around some servers, you'd know what it looks like.

It's horrible! It's too custom! What the hell!
It's ruined the GUI, especially for us, since we're(or rather, were) known very well for being the server closest to kRO/officials. No overpowered custom headgears, no ugly custom sprites, no wings, no ridiculous upgraders, no jobchangers, no dungeon warpers.. and other many custom things that have been employed by other pServers. We play RO the way it should be played. P:

I don't like it at all. It would be back to perfection if the old font returned. :/

However! Aside from that, myself and the group of others that compose our guild, have been around this server for past 4~5 years, and enjoy the server to bits. Perfect rates imo. And no stupid custom items like those wings. Very well balanced.
The admin and GM teams are dedicated, and we've recovered from the past damage, and with the recent release of the new client, we'll be getting much more updates now.

I'm proud of my server, and will always be alongside it until the end.

"Kingdom of God"

A question was asked in religion class today;

What are your perceptions of "The Kingdom of God"?

Many believers often perceive that as the eternal life in heaven in one's afterlife. The ticket to its entrance is known to be a "good person"/live a "good life", as well as being faithful to one's religion, jesus christ, god, holy spirit, etc.

Funny, the teachings say not to expect anything in return for doing good, yet they believe in the existence of "Heaven".

... Well, is that not different to asking for something in return for doing good?

Perhaps I lack background information, but excluding whatever that may be, this is one of the many contradictions in christianity, or maybe even religion itself.

~

Another thought; already mentioned to a few friends, but nevertheless.
I think there are more religiously faithful kids in public schools than in private. This is something that needs clearing.
After 6 years of attending a private(catholic) school, you do not get "brainwashed" or "converted".
Sure, they make you pray very often, make the sign of the cross, recite prayers, sing hymns and worship their god - or at least pretend to be listening - but the catholics don't force you to believe what they believe. It's not some.. interrogative institution.

Oh by the way, we don't get funds from the government, it all comes from the ridiculous school fees and students' fundraising.

Private schools are just schools that arn't run by governments, but run by religious followers/leaders, period.

In fact, I speculate that there are more believers in public schools than in private. To be honest, I don't think anyone at all, in my year group, attends sunday masses, recite the rosary or even pray before meals.

So no, not all us private school kids arn't all god-worshipping-goodie-goodies.
Many of my peers would laugh at the idea of attending church.
But yes, some do attend church. Although I'm pretty sure it's for social purposes more than anything, really.

Disintergrating bubble.

That high school bubble, in which you are protected by parents, teachers and the school. I realise it's been long since the beginning of its erosion alongside time.

It's been said and thought about too many times, by too many people, but hey, it's only natural to fear the unknown.
Still, in my self-centred little world - and the age of questioning - the notion of "the real world" is daunting.

How will I do?
What will I do?
Would I know what to do?

So many questions, that one will never know the answer to, without experiencing failures.

Ooh, failure, there it is. Why are we so afraid of failure?
Loss? Definitely.

Life used to go without any investments of care. Most likely because it wasn't necessary.
But it's all a rush; and some manage, while some may not.

My fear is that I may not.


Badly structured post.... None of that made sense, did it?

Empty, empty, empty.

.... The blog's empty..

.. My mind's empty..

I feel empty.

SIGH.

On the verge of shooting myself for just thinking the phrase "Life feels so empty".

School holidays began a few days ago, and it never felt so difficult to simply buckle down and study. Gragh. Damn you firefox, the ultimate portal to all distractions!

.. And now my stomach's empty.

Technology.

Speed and memory capacity of computers are doubling each year. (Yay for transistors!)

Did you notice?
Technology grows faster and faster.

Children grows shorter and shorter.
They also mature slower and slower.

When I was their age, I rode my bike with the kids around the local area. Grounds were drawn on with chalks. Skipping ropes lived out of the shoe-drobe, as well as rollerblades, rollerskates and scooters.

I'm sure many others have noticed, but the year 7's are getting shorter each year.
They're also getting cockier and more disrespectful. Or in a more colloquial term, "up themselves". Sure, my year was (probably) somewhat like that, but they're getting worse. Fact.

Actually, I don't think we're a bad year group. There were only a couple of class clowns here and there, but they've all dropped out of school now, and gone. But at this rate, half of the newcomers seem no different to the dropouts.

It was just over ~5 years ago, when we had the utmost respect for the seniors. They were real adults, with responsibilities, and we respected that.
Nowadays; those little kiddies don't know how to give proper respect. Even now, some year elevens are just plain rude. I hope they have fun with this year's year tens, next year. *sniggers*

Hurr, I wonder. If that's how the elderly saw the world develop in violence. The phrase "Kids these days have no manners" pops into my mind. :P

ATAR-D©

Yesterday, it seems like all year 11's and year 12's receieved a rather odd letter of notification from UAC.

Apparently, UAI has been changed to ATAR(Australian Tertiary Admission Rank). To be honest here, UAI sounded, and worked much better.
As many of the year 11 and 12 students know, it is now impossible to receive an ATAR of 100. Getting 99.95 ATAR is apparently the same as getting 100 UAI.
More info can be found at the UAC site.
Personally, I think they should've changed it after 2009 HSC exams. After all, according to the letter, and their website, there arn't much things being altered except the name, and the conversion of scores. Great, now we have to use a table to convert our scores. And we're a lazy generation, most of us can't even be bothered to pull out a table and convert the scores. But we do it anyway, with complaint. P:

So, upon celebrating this exciting occasion, let me present a new meme for you;
ATAR + Nerd(or rather, retard, as the word is violated beyond its limits these days) = ATARD.

I couldn't help but think of the term instantly upon receiving the letter.

Yep, we're all ATARDs now.
I hereby throw this term into our teenage society for violation and abuse. It may be used as a noun, verb, adjective, or anything you like.

Heck, let it be up on Urban Dictionary.