"Want" - a problematic word.

Note: I just found a wall of text on plain A4 page written in seriously tiny font size.. fell out of my year 12 sharing our stories book. So this is just the year 12 me talking, I didn't know crap back then, please don't judge me based on this! XD
It's also unedited, i.e. directly copied off the sheet, so we can all laugh at the naivety :D

『Humans are vulnerable to their own minds. If anything should be feared, it should be no more or less than the mind of humanity. When one is asked about what they fear, whether it may be "horror movies", "ghosts", "death", "strangers", or any sort of "phobia"s, many are unaware of the fact that their fear has been generated by their own thoughts, illusions, delusions and self-subconsciousness brainwashing of imaginations. 』

Desire or Necessity? No thanks to this money-centered world, people today have no choice but to depend on money for survival, in most cases.(I do not have personal experience thus knowledge about life in third-world countries, or any other places/environments which I have not been to.)
We are bound to achieving the goal of maintaining a stable employment(and balance between life events which one may pursuit), as soon as we are born.
Education/school or institutes alike; many of them exist on the basis of the sole idea of helping children/people to become educated and have opportunities for "good employment". Human's survival tactics nowadays are definitely indescribable in the subjective frame. I often ask questions to myself, as many would as well - why learn? To get a job. Why work? For money. Why money? To put food on the table. Why food/making a "living"? to live. Why live? I don't know.
Everything, money, job, "making a living", and many unmentioned, are all driven by the forces of desire. Desire to live. Living? Due to human instincts, I guess. All living organisms have a natural instinct for survival. Perhaps humans have been wound up to survive in this money-orientated environment. Perhaps people have converted themselves into believing that wealth is the key to survival, which may be the reason why we are so eager to reach the goal of living a "happy life".
Indeed, "living a happy life" may be defined in various ways, in regards to different definition of "true happiness". However whatever they may be, all are caused due to 'desire' and what people "want".
"Want" has driven humanity to give birth to today's world. (Both literally and metaphorically) Human are brought out to this world, by the desire of other (parental) people's desire. (for family, etc.)
We cannot escape the cycle of "Desire", as us humans have a natural property of greed.

"Want" creates materialism/materialistic mindsets. What people "want" and "need" are combined to a state where the meaning of survival has been tainted, resulting in many cases with people indulging in materials, wealth and leads themselves to believing that desires are necessities.
To define the term "necessities", by that I mean the conditions or requirement for survival, to maintain an acceptable lifestyle.
The neo-universal culture aims for "just" and "fair/equal" society. However this is inevitably prohibited by the law of equivalency; As such phrases as "one man's pleasure is another man's pain" and every aspects of any life, and all events are an equivalent exchange process/or product of equivalent exchange. This infinite chain reaction is never broken, nor is it possible, or even considerable.
Through this basis and thorough understanding of the law of equivalent/equivalency, [is identical to the law of conservation of energy and mass in the field of physics].

.. and IIRC, the bell rang at the end of that period.

My comment about that: lol.
If some ideas were developed further, it would've echoed theories from known philosophers.. but perhaps that would've been hard to achieve with shown level of English/general knowledge. It's so evident that I was a standard English student who hates HSC! argh. xD
Learning only for purposes of getting a job, LOL.

Three childhood memories.

There are a few things that come back to me from time to time which I remember from my childhood times - discoveries, experiences, thoughts and thought experiments - that really should've been recorded down a long, long time ago.

So.. on the bus to uni this morning, I decided to finally compile some of these thoughts into one place, before my memory further deteriorates.

Here they are.

1. Relativity: this thought occurred to me sometime back in 2001. It was based on a small curiosity on my way home from school, in dad's car.
   I sneezed. I looked out the window, and saw some people walking along the footpath, as we zoomed past them.
   Then I wondered..
   

   "Well, sound can be seen by recording them in wave forms.. like the ones you see on TV! the funny fuzzy line things.. So taking that idea.. if you were to record my sneeze on a long sheet of paper along the road, as I traveled past in my dad's car(going at however fast it was going at that moment, but also given that it's faster than normal walking speed), you'd end up with a very long piece of the drawn sound wave(relative to the person walking, but not me, because I'd be traveling fast past it.)
   Then I thought.. well, if I had a device that could read this graphical interpretation of (the sound of) my sneeze as I traveled past it, it would play back the sound at the speed of which I was traveling at.
   I.E. If I was to take this paper(with the sound drawn on it, like those seismograph thingos), and walk at "walking speed" alongside it, with my playback device, it would sound like a slow-mo version of my sneeze, therefore the duration would be much longer(the faster my original speed was, the longer the sound would be at walking speed).
   However, if I was to jump back in the car, travel at the same speed at which I was traveling before, again with my playback device, it would sound "normal" like how I heard myself in the car."
   

   
   
   In 2001, if I had the linguistic skill to explain the above idea as I have done now, I definitely would have. However as a child, most things you can't really explain in words, but can visualise. I attempted to explain this to my parents once, but they didn't really get it, most likely due to my poor explanation. So I never bothered to try explaining it to anyone after that. I wanted to, but I kept to myself. (Publish or perish, gah!)
   It only occurred to me, during year 12 physics, that this thought touches the surface of what we call "relativity" - largely involving frames of references.
   
   This suggests an idea to hike up the primary education level a little more(especially in Australia since I've only lived here and in Korea and nowhere else, but that's not saying that they teach relativity in Korea >_>), or at least for some internally, and if so, in more places. I believe 10 year olds are capable of handling the idea of relativity as proven - the most problematic issue here would be finding an excellent educator to explain this to them.
   I certainly couldn't do it if I was asked, probably.
   
   For this point, I have purposely tried to stay away from correct terminologies, as an attempt to explain it as close as possible to how I would've at the time. Although it's evidently unsuccessful. There would've been more "you know" and "like"s.. xD


2. Taxi drivers: This was back in Korea, on a rainy day; I remember this because I was busy drawing on the foggy window P:
   Dad and I were going to some relative's house.. and as usual, we're stuck in traffic. A sudden thought came to me. What if the taxi driver was taking the long route to make us pay more?
   Then, guess what, dad makes the same suggestion to the driver, that it seems like he's going around places on purpose to hike up the taxi fee. Of course, he denied, the argument continued, but I tuned out.
   People, small children aren't all innocent.. some like to scheme.. A lot.
   
   I guess my point here is that it's sad in a way that a young child would be tainted with such injustices of society.. Children are very good observers. They absorb everything like shamwow.
   


3. I WANT MY MUMMY: During the celebration of my 100th day of living(all relatives were gathered, also this is a Korean tradition, 돌잔치), the grown-ups were busy taking photos of me and a cousin sitting behind the ginormous empirical table, fiddling with various things. I don't remember what I was doing, of course, but I do remember wailing because mum didn't come to me when I wanted her to. Instead, my aunt came and sat me on her lap, and believe it or not, I do actually remember the fear, and wanting mum, not this random lady who I felt was trying to force me to sit still.
   Now, that sounds ridiculous, but one thing I'm sure of is that either I actually do remember the feelings(I doubt this myself. No proof to back this up.), or someone somehow really made me believe it sometime way back in the past when I was in the most gullible mode.
   Amazing, huh.
   

..

Trials went horribly.

Strange. All the exams were completed with confidence, and with certainty that results would be satisfactory.. but apparently not.

Oh, and I must thank Wing, for helping me get an exceptional mark in one of the English papers(again)!
OUR EXPERIMENT WORKED! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH! *Evil genius laugh*

Anyway.. yeah.. I thought I did well in the exams(except 3unit maths).. but the marks obviously say otherwise. No blank answers, all were filled out with what I thought was correct.. And yes, I did my study.

So I've come to a conclusion that I'm stuyding the wrong things/I'm doing it wrong.
Also the most probable reason as to why I'm failing maths.

.... I wish this thought occured to me sooner.
I thought I was doing it right. >:/

*sigh*.. I'm failing school. My future isn't so bright.. ;_;


~


UAC Guide. the 2010 UAC guide was handed out to our year yesterday, and I wish they did it sooner. According to the staff, they "were waiting until now to give them out, because you are able to change your preferences as many times as you like."
YEAH WELL IN THAT CASE IT WOULDN'T HAVE HURT TO GIVE THEM OUT EARLIER.
THAT'S RIGHT, I'M CAPS LOCK ABUSING.

Looking over the courses and the uni I'd like to get into -- just wow.
Really, I must just be throwing the blame on someone else, but they really should've handed it out much earlier.
As well as uni info booklets, that were targetted to year 10's or 11's. HSC is around the corner for pete's sake! At least hand them out at the beginning of the year. D8
Yes, I could've went and gotten it myself, but that's another argument, so I'll stop there before a bigger wall of text.

I have no idea what courses to choose, let alone the certainty for an offer, or what I'll be ending up with, but hey, who can predict the future?


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Last, but definitely not least, my RO server has disappointed me. It's still an excellent, the best server though.

The client was recently updated(with lots of bugs, which the GMs and Admins are attending to atm), along with a new font.
A new font.
A new, ugly, minuscule font.

Personally, this is what annoys me the most.
The first impression I get from RO servers is what matters the most, again, personally. That included the font.
I absolutely hate the small, custom fonts. If you've looked around some servers, you'd know what it looks like.

It's horrible! It's too custom! What the hell!
It's ruined the GUI, especially for us, since we're(or rather, were) known very well for being the server closest to kRO/officials. No overpowered custom headgears, no ugly custom sprites, no wings, no ridiculous upgraders, no jobchangers, no dungeon warpers.. and other many custom things that have been employed by other pServers. We play RO the way it should be played. P:

I don't like it at all. It would be back to perfection if the old font returned. :/

However! Aside from that, myself and the group of others that compose our guild, have been around this server for past 4~5 years, and enjoy the server to bits. Perfect rates imo. And no stupid custom items like those wings. Very well balanced.
The admin and GM teams are dedicated, and we've recovered from the past damage, and with the recent release of the new client, we'll be getting much more updates now.

I'm proud of my server, and will always be alongside it until the end.

2. A barrier of the young mind

Allow me to start again with stating the facts..;

We are/were all young and a teenager at some point in time. As I believe that I lack the valuable experiences in life at this moment, I wish for a sympathetic/empathetic response or keeping such background in mind.

It's been a couple of years since I came across the thought of "immediate satisfaction and/or desire" blinding the latter situations which I'd have to inevitably face, sooner or later.
What concerns me are, as childish as it sounds, rather simple tasks such as procrastinating from school work, and distraction from available forms of entertainment consuming large quantities of precious time.

As I often self-proclaim as a pessimist and a lazy, passive student, I can honestly state that in the past ~4 years, I have not put in a "constant and decent" amount of effort in my academic exercises, at home. It has somewhat become a habit, and a seemingly normal fragment of time in every day. I suppose my mind has developed a tendency for procrastination and dismissal of workload despite being aware of its consequences.

Since childhood, I've always kept a phrase in mind - a Korean phrase which adults often told children, roughly translated as "You learn as you fall." Yes, it's no different to the English phrase, "You learn from your mistakes".
I'm probably being hypocritical, or too reliant on this phrase, so I believe the reason for my inactivity in my duties for schooling is that I have yet to learn from my mistakes.
Of course, not saying that it is the ultimate reason, however it appears to play a major role in shaping my attitude towards such responsibilities.
Which leads me back to the topic title above -- A barrier of the young mind -- as it has derived from the revision of my own past attitude or mindset. Though, one could possibly not expect the greatest thoughts from a mere developing mind still in its teens. While there exists other possible leads into this idea, I'd like to focus on the aspect of 'learning from your mistakes/experiences'.

Surely, almost all teenagers, young minds, adolescents, etc, concern on the "present" more so than the "past" or the "future", although these may linger in the mind rather insignificantly. I, unfortunately am also categorised as being in the teens, and it is unfortunate as I feel a hunger for knowledge and experience surely too great for my mind.
In other words, it sucks.
Returning back to concerning the "present", at this presence, I am here, on Blogspot, ranting on my thoughts instead of working on school works. Perhaps I consider this more important than my major works for the finals. Perhaps recording my thoughts have been speculated with more importance over other assigned tasks. Sort of like "I want it now, and I'm getting it now." mindset, which I estimate is breakable by the counteraction of "learning from mistakes" and thus being able to hold back immediate desires for the future good, as to obey the Law of equivalent trade.

Indeed, the purpose of my post here today was to attempt and answer my own question of "why can't I grasp the obvious fact of pro-active work for the greater reward later in life, and so to ditch my laziness and procrastinative attitude?"

..Damnit. >_>

1. The Law of Equivalent Trade.

In order to gain something, you must sacrifice something else of an equal value.. That is the law of equivalent trade.”

- Hiromu Arakawa (extracted from the Full Metal Alchemist manga series)

***

"No pain, No gain."
"One man's pain is another man's pleasure"
"What goes around, comes around"

The above three are three of many "idioms" much heard by the general public, and I attempt to make connections between such phrases and the Law stated in the beginning.
However since the time when I began my thoughts upon this topic (2008/2007), the little experience I've had so far in life limits my knowledge of life revolving around this "Law of Equivalent Trade", so I can only express my thoughts in a vague manner.
Indeed, it may just be mere quote from a magna series, but when thought upon, it can be applied to almost, if not all events and situations that occur anywhere and everywhere, on this planet, and if the physical theories are correct, even the whole universe.
This Law of Equivalent Trade is analogous to the Law of conservation of energy(and mass) in the physical world, as it is to the balancing of chemical equations in the chemical world.
From what I can assume, even the finest, and the most complex scientific events will obey this Law of Equivalent Trade.

This phenomenal Law answers all, explains all, and possibly(likely) predict all events and occurrences.
This law proves that things don't "just happen", but rather, it states that every occurrence is a result of this infinite reaction due to this Law.

Now, at this stage, I can only express and analyse this in a slightly subjective approach. Which means that I, so far, see this infinite chain of reaction is caused by the state of the human mind and thus of its emotions.
The easiest possible method to explain this concept with the least complexity would be best to present it as a reflective chain action between "good" and "bad". That is, if something "bad" happens, sooner or later, there will be a countering "good" event, equivalent to the amount of "bad", in order to totally "compensate" for the previous event.
Like so, it is true for vice versa.

Hence, for every occurrence, there will be an opposite and equal occurrence which will "compensate" for the previous occurrence to return to this equilibrium state.

This raises a question; how do we know when the "beginning" of the cycle is/was?
My opinion is that nobody will never, ever know when or how this chain action started, with the reason being that humanity will never be able to accurately and precisely state how, when and/or why the universe came about.
Now, I want to make clear that I am not religious in any shape or form, nor am I faithful to the Big Bang theory. However I do lean alot towards scientific proofs rather than some fictional deity(ies) created by the mentality of fearful mankind.

So. There is no start/initial start or a definite finish to this chain action. Thus it will go on for, who knows, forever, beyond the humankind's understanding of time.